Monday, June 16, 2008

Is It Worth It?

So, I'm laying here, half dazed, drifting sweetly...bitterly in an and out of a lazy haze. I'd love to be sleeping right now, but my mind is caught up. I am stuck pondering this person. this man. I am asking me, should I really put myself through this again? He's a great man but yet still a Man... potential for harm is high, and I don't want to end up having to sew my heart back together from tiny fragments, spread across my spirit. He's presenting himself to me as that not-so-average-better-than-average guy. However, God blessed me with a spirit of discernment and although I ignore it at times (lol), I can usually read people's books. When I can't, it normally means that God is trying to teach me a lesson that I forced Him to teach me the hard way (by not listening in other forms lol).
He has been hurt, he has a sordid past- he's also hurt others. I can tell this. I know he has issues with his family- No, he did not tell me, but it's in his eyes. The mother is the first woman a man learns to respect- it's hard for him to respect other women when there is an issue with this particular one. Okay, I may be "jumping the gun"- he has not expressed any of this to me, but this is what I feel is there. I feel like I could fall into those eyes of his, and find the truth in his spirit; not tame, but befriend his soul. I want to know the good and the bad about him. Yea yea I realize this is pointless rambling to most of you, but those that have been here know the feeling.... your thoughts are random, your mind is anxious, your heart is fragile. It's some harmonious mix between crazy and bliss lol. I'm logging off now.

By the way, grades are looking great, Despite that devilish chemistry final, I got a wonderful grade!

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