Thursday, November 6, 2008

The Other & Her Valley That I Almost Got Stuck In

A good friend pointed out a few interesting things about the character of Ms. *.*.* . I mean already knew she had minimal self respect but when a grown man pointed it out to me, It just became more real.

What kind of woman stays with, or rather attempts to stay with, a man who...I'll leave that one blank for the sake of maintaining privacy.

What kind of woman stays with a man when she knows she's being cheated on?
She told me herself she knew (and not just about me), and yet, she stayed. lol it's just nuts- avoidable heartbreak and instead she dives head first in.

His answer, at first, sounded harsh, but I completely agree with him, now that I've pondered it. His answer is:

A Pathetic One. Now normally I'd laugh after this, but it's a serious matter. What if there are more and more black women out there like her- women willing to share a man?!? Women willing to have that man in their life in any possible capacity, no matter how detrimental it is for them. It sickens me. I figured that perhaps I was wrong in having a problem with him talking to her. But a MAN provided me with confirmation that I wasn't. He wondered what kind of woman *.*.* must be to not have a problem with it? Pathetic, Horny, Lonely, Clingy or just Stupid? These are the adjectives he threw out. I don't agree with all of those adjectives, but I continued to listen to his perspective. He said that if this situation had occurred and he was the man involved he would want to drop her because he couldn't respect a woman that didn't respect herself. However, he also said, how stupid would he be to leave a woman who would accept any behaviour from him and just let it slide?

I chuckled as I mused over his statements and propositions. He was right. What man would let go of a woman that, not only enjoyed relations with other women, but also one that he could cheat on and go back to all the time? One that he knew would always be there with open arms.

He went on to note, however, that *.*.* was not yet a woman because she still doesn't know how to put herself in pain for a season so that she may be free for a lifetime. I couldn't disagree with him for the latter half- delay of self gratification is a major mark of maturity. My laughter ceased when he furthered to say that I nearly put myself on her level- that scared me. It truly did. The fact, the sheer thought, that I almost belittled myself for this man. It's one thing to forgive a mistake and be willing to move forward; it's another to not put any restraint on it. I told him one thing, after ALL he did, I only had 1 condition: Stop talking to her- a friendship with her is inappropriate. He couldn't even do that for me. Well, he did at first, but it didn't last (as previously mentioned, not even a week!). I need a man willing to suffer for me- especially when he has caused me much suffering and pain. I need a man willing to progress with ME into the future, not try and stick with sidelines from his past.

He is Not that man. He doesn't want to be.

I am still excited about the trip. I discovered I know more people out there than I thought. I am also excited because it will finally be closure. I'm the type of person that needs that.

What I've just said may sound austere, but honestly, I am praying for her. She's young and another man, just like him, could easily charm her into whatever situation. Though they both deny it, she is still pursuing him. I'm fine with that- I don't chase what's mines, it chases me. LoL, haughty I know, but I speak the truth- ask anyone.
Actually, I believe when 2 people are meant for each other, they naturally pursue each other. It should not be one sided.

In the words of Rachel, I wish her bluebirds in the spring to give her heart a song to sing. I wish her love. I wish her blessings. No malicious feelings here.
Maybe she and I can become friends, and perhaps we can learn from each other.

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