Thursday, February 12, 2009

"Perfect" Love or "Perfect" Lover?

While browsing information for a situation I am currently going through on my own (surprise surprise), I came across an interesting quote that got me contemplating love and myself in general. Here is the quote:

"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love". Tom Robbins in "Still Life With Woodpecker"

At first glance, I simply let it go, but I kept coming back to it... A startling statistic shows that 54% of unmarried, single Americans are Women (http://www.census.gov/). With a percentage like that, perhaps Tom Robbins is right, maybe women do waste time trying to mold some random guy into their perfect lover. Take, *.*.*, yes her, again. Although she can't seem to let him go, I still feel for her on some level (that's deep deep deep down lol). She told me, in her own words, that she kept trying to force this man to be something he wasn't for her. For privacy sake, I will not say the exact amount of time; but I will say that she spent a great deal of time on this guy, only to have her hopes dashed against the harsh rocks of reality. She was in deep love, he was in like. So what is she really left with in the end of all this attempted molding and shaping? A lesson learned? Oh.yes., there was a lesson learned, but was all the pain worth that lesson? He doesn't even acknowledge her existence now. She spent so much time trying to create the perfect lover, she forgot the other part of the equation- the perfect love.

I can't throw too many stones though. Am I not doing the same, only in reverse, so to speak? He is basically the man I need him to be, we both have agreed to work on some things. However, I really don't spend that much time trying to mold him, I try to mold what we have between us. My reasoning to myself goes a bit like this, follow if you can: If what we have between us continues to grow, how can we not be growing as people too? By between us, I don't mean the physical either. I am referring to the uniting of our minds, the synchronizing of our spirits- that irreplaceable security in knowing that only we can have what.it.is. that We.Have. The kind of material I'm eventually trying to have is simple, 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (Daily Bible Scripture - 1 Corinthians 13:4-5). Ha, I know, simple but yet.so.complicated. and so.rare. My point is, what if I am spending so much time striving to create this beautiful music, this divine connection, between us, that I am missing something in him? Don't misunderstand, I am not oblivious to his flaws, but am I jumping the gun to assume that he is growing at the rate same rate as the feelings? I am careful to make sure we are both on the same page, and I like this page that we're on most of the time. Is that enough though, am I presenting myself with a healthy balance?

I don't want to end up being 40 years old and still owning a number in the composition of that 54%. So tell me people, does the perfect lover get made, when the perfect love is created? Or can you not have the "perfect love" without first having the "perfect" lover. And F.Y.I., for me, his beautiful flaws are all the "perfection" I need.

I'd really appreciate a male perspective, because I really don't think like the typical female (so.I'm.told).