Saturday, August 22, 2009

Man As Hero: Should I Expect Him to be The Eye of My Storm?

I think nearly every little American girl heard those sappy stories about the "knight in shining armour" growing up. Fortunately for me, I was never one to believe in such f*ckery. Yes, that came off as harsh, but in my world, a knight on a white horse was just a ridiculous thought. Now one idea I did like was that of a hero- particularly a superhero. Whenever I got mad at someone or I wasn't having a good time, I would imagine I had some X-man-like power, or that One of them came to rescue me. Maybe I was Rogue, taking away another person's power. Or maybe Jean Grey came to assist me with moving things with my mind- you get the point here. Well, I'm a grown woman now, and all thoughts of heroes have faded away, taken from the sand by the tides of reality. But have they really? I've never been one of those maudlin, romantic Mary's that wanted a man to save me, but with what's been going on in my life lately, I've been fantasizing of a hero again. The exception in this phase of my life, is that I do have a man there willing to support me. However, I'm so used to "supporting" myself, that I don't know how to strongly let him know that I need him. By 'strongly' I mean, how do I let him know I require his assistance emotionally, without losing the image of being a strong, independent woman in his eyes. Also, if I do decide to let him know, does this mean I'm putting the burden on him of being my "hero," my "Knight in Shining Armor?"

According to a book written by Joel N. Orr (Every Man a Hero, Every Woman a Coach): Every man is born to be a hero. Every woman has world-building skills that can help him accomplish that goal. If this is actually the case, it would mean I am slacking on my coaching duties and denying him the opportunity to be a "real" man to me. The problematic scenario would go something like the following in my mind: I will express to him how I feel (to a very superficial degree, I already have). He will comfort me at that moment...then, he will forget. I will become irritated because I'll feel that, when I've finally reached out, my feelings are being ignored. He won't notice this because he's very busy. However, it's not his fault that I rarely seek his help. Would it be right for me to want him to be the calm in my storm now?

I wouldn't expect a miracle, but I'd want to see empathy at the very least. I'm a simple girl- just shoot me a txt and ask how I'm doing periodically- I'm satisfied with that; many people wouldn't be. For me, this is how one could be my "knight." Its surprised me more than anything that I even need one, but according to a "Knight In Shining Armor" is someone who helps you when you are in a difficult situation. Everyone needs that at some point- or at least that's what I'm currentlt telling myself lol.
I guess I'm wondering, is right to expect a man to be your hero? I could have gone on and on with this topic, but I know, me myself- I prefer to read short works lol. Help me out with your opinions if you can...

A link related to the post topic. I don't necessarily endorse it, but I did find it to be intriguing:


  1. Justin Williams (Concept)August 25, 2009 at 2:51 PM

    No matter how strong you are, everybody needs a hero...EVERYBODY. Man or woman. The trick is letting that person be your hero. Once you allow them to be your hero, you come to trust and expect them to be your hero. Thats the type of foundation that a relationship has to be built on to be fruitful...

  2. Somewhere down the line... we have lost the strength and courage to be able to tell another person that we need them and how we need them. We've become so independent and have given so much power to the notion that all we need is ourselves. This isn't.. and I repeat... isn't true. The foundation of a friendship or a relationship is the exchange of needs between two people.. in other words... "i need you and you need me" and the both of us are willing to fulfill each others needs to the best of our abilities. There comes a time.. when one is not strong enough and that is when the "hero" comes in... to step up to the plate, carry the weight, and get one through whatever hardship... but ultimately a hero has to know he/she is needed

  3. I have to agree with both posts...everyone...I mean ever human being needs someone they can feel vunerable with(that is why we are human and that is how God made us) and being vunerable is not a bad gives us great opportunites to learn...Point aside, we need another being to be there for us emotionally, spiritually, and so forth...

    Its interesting that as the author points out women are considered the coaches...because it seems this day and age, too many women are going Bobby Knight with their star player...In other words, the idea of Ms Independent gone Ms hyde, has hurt a lot of women with prospects of ever helping her man and/or futre man becoming a hero.

    Also, keep in mind a man has to 1)want or desire to 2) be ready (in every sense) and 3) believes that he can be a hero for his woman. Otherwise, its like putting royal regalia on the court jester in your relationship...

    As for expecting to him to be a can expect him but it is more effective to COMMUNICATE that you WANT him to be a hero and that you can be HIS communication is key...

    What is unfortunate in commuicating the Hero ideal is combated with a plethora of songs filled with numerous deceptive definitions of the independent woman as well as the idea of "she don't want to be saved...dont save her"--Three 6 Mafia

  4. lol.. at "f*ckery" never saw/heard that one before...

    but anyways, i TOTALLY agree with dierra...

    we got so caught up in trying to take care of ourselves and be independent, that we forgot that it is okay to need someone or want someone to need us.. or to have a "hero" save us from the world, from ourselves.. let me be clear, i don't mean "need" as in to be obsessed with someone or completely dependent on them, but "need" in the sense that God created Eve to be with Adam because we weren't meant to be alone...

  5. I agree the previous posts. Sometimes we are afraid to really say what we want and how much we need the person in our lives. Sometimes when we do it might be to much for the guy. It all depends on who he is and the type of relationship you have. But I don't see anything wrong with letting a guy come to our "rescue" once in a while and then giving him props for it lol

  6. Here's my take-

    Once a woman KNOWS that she is fully capable of taking care of herself... she has the opportunity to relax into her feminine receptivity and give the man (men) in her life the GIFT of serving her. Of course, us guys don't want to serve a ball-busting bully, nor is there any room to serve a completely self-sufficient woman.

    So the opportunity is to consciously play with the polarity between masculine and feminine qualities in a way that brings out the best in each of us.

    In my Hero Principles book and programs, I help men take the lead in this regard. Many men have disowned their masculine "Hero" core, and I give them a map, a reason, and the support they need to reclaim it in a powerful, positive way.

    Thanks for exploring this topic!