Sunday, November 8, 2009

Toxic Love: Where Do You Draw The Line?

"The more in love we became, the more dangerous we became for each other. Equally as dangerous...because, it was a bit of an obsession." ~Rihanna on Chris Brown

I'm not sure why, but this quote struck a cord with me. I was perplexed as I thought about why it was bothering me so much, and then it came to me. Before I begin, I'd like to preface this post by saying that I do not have some tumultuous, obsessive, love life. I have a healthy relationship, so don't run wild this. I was not thinking from the "Fatal Attraction" angle either. I'm speaking of 2 people, mutually and passionately in love.

A little background information: I never had a boyfriend in high school and for the majority of my college years, I focused on books and never took a man seriously. I've recently found to be what I feel will be my first and last Love. I know it may be odd for a woman my age to just be experiencing her first love, but it is what it is. I love the feeling it brings when I think that not only am I in love, but that I am sharing this love. Although, like anything, it has its trials and problems, it's a mutual bliss- progressing and secure. However, there's a darker side to my emotions, and I feel I need to get a grasp on managing them early, as this is all new territory for me. This love is also an addiction. At times, and I'm ashamed to admit this, it's jealous, and more often than not, illogical.

From the above, you might be thinking that I already need assistance but pump ya breaks. Is this not how love is experienced for any other people? A whirlwind of emotions that surrounds my very soul, the eye of this delicious storm being my heart. A storm doesn't always have to be destructive and turbulent. It's simply all of my emotions coming at me in a rush. My question, however, is this? Where is the line drawn with "love?" When do two people realize that their love has become dangerous for each other.

Some might say when it reaches the point of possessiveness:
  1. Jealousy opposed to the personal independence of, or to any influence other than one’s own upon, a child, spouse, etc.
  2. Desirous of possessing, esp. excessively so: a possessive lover.
  3. Of or pertaining to possession or ownership
Now some might say that this is a bad quality to allow to exist in a relationship (esp. after reading definition # 1 lol), but I disagree (yea yea sue me) to a certain degree.. In my opinion, it's only natural to wonder about the whereabouts of someone you love. You worry that they might betray you, despite the trust you have in them. You feel like you've found something golden and unique, and you don't want to share that with anyone else. Obviously, this "quality" can go too far. However, I would argue to say that it only becomes a problem when 2 parties demonstrate unequal levels of it. If both parties are equally possessive, perhaps there will be less friction over rules imposed or controlling behavior? I don't know, let me know what you think. I definitely don't want to own anyone, but I am territorial. It's a basic survival instinct... right? I personally think the line comes in when people are trying to control every aspect of each other's lives. I used to see those horror stories on Oprah or Psych shows where women had husbands who told them what to wear, when to wear it, and how to wear it. The men didn't let them have any friends, didn't let them out of the house, and made them check in with them every hour of the day. Clearly, this is going overboard, but also represents what I mentioned before- an unequal balance of "power" - the women had no control in these situations.

My questions, in summary, are: Is there a such thing as "Healthy" Possessiveness. Can you be "possessive" and still be secure? Where is the line drawn (and please don't mention violence, that's a given.)?

1 comment:

  1. Love the Rihanna quote to start things off. It was very profound to me as well when I watched the interview. It came across strikingly honest.

    I believe there is such a thing as "healthy" possessiveness. Although I have never been 'in' love. I've loved and what I've read in the Bible about God's love. God doesn't want to share us with anyone or anything and wants to be in every aspect of our lives. Even with us, he still gives us our free will to accept or reject it.

    So, I can see how that would translate into our own relationships. Except since we're not perfect, sometimes our jealousy can become overbearing. So, yes, there can be a balance.