Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Threesomes - Is Three Really Still Considered a Crowd?



Now that I got that rant out of the way, I have a question: Are threesomes still taboo?

Ha, I kind of just dove right in there didn’t I? Before I go any further, I should mention, that I frequently color out of socially-placed lines and boundaries. My coloring book would like the blissful fodder of a three year old to someone who isn’t a social deviant like yours truly.

Anyway, I would really like to know the answer. This question was initially provoked from a conversation I had with a few friends online. Everyone was trying to give one e-friend advice on how to steam it up with her bf after having not seen him in a long time. The topic of a 3some came up in that discussion somehow, and I noticed that the perspectives on it were truly torn. I’d like to clarify that we were discussing the most common type of threesome- 2 girls/1 guy.  I gathered the following:
  • One girl thought they were OK…if none of the involved parties were in a serious relationship. She expressed insecurity regarding the other woman wanting more of “her” man without her permission.
  • Another expressed that she would never do that: “Another girl can’t do anything for me.”
  • The younger of the bunch said that threesomes were no big deal, with a shrug.
  • Another simply felt that threesomes were too taboo for her, and that her boyfriend should be satisfied with just her.

The last comment is the one that struck me the most I suppose. In an age where people “cyber sex” with each other via Skype, and text message naked photos, I find it hard to believe that anything sexually-related is “taboo” anymore. When I was in college, it seemed like everyone and their mother was jumping into one of these. Though I never “took the bait,” I, myself, was extended the offer from couples on several occasions. However, the offers were not turned down because I thought them strange or taboo, I simply wasn’t into them (for spiritual and other reasons). I also found the latter part of her perspective on them intriguing.

My first thought (being the undercover feminist that I sometimes can be), was “why does it have to be the boyfriend that wants the threesome?” I personally know quite a few women who brought this idea up to their boyfriends first. According to most psychological sources I’ve seen, they say “threesomes are every MAN’S fantasy.” I happen to think that men only openly admit to wanting threesomes more, because it is more socially acceptable for him to do so. It goes back to that classic double standard and assumption. It’s assumed that men are intrinsically programmed to want to spread their seed with as many women as possible. They are praised for this. They get “G-points” for this. Women though? Women who admit to wanting sex with more than one man or, **GASP** a woman AND a man, are whores, much worse Slores. They are tramps in the eyes of society, unfit for marriage and houses with white picket fences and the like. Women, in my opinion, are constantly having to stifle their sexual wants and needs to please society (not just men, because many women impose social chains on themselves and other women. I think men would be happier if women were more open….much happier lol). I say, Rage Against the Machine, women! You want what you want, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Be prepared to accept the consequences of this particular arena though (i.e. Jealousy).

My next thought was, “Does having the sexual fantasy of a threesome, automatically imply that you are dissatisfied sexually with your partner??” I truly don’t think so. I always thought the point of a sexual fantasy was to fulfill some outlandish, lustful desire. It could have existed long before the person partnered with their significant other. Her comment implies that your significant other should completely fulfill and or remove your pre-existing sexual fantasies. Personally, I think the only problem with a fantasy comes in when 2 people don’t share the same fantasy and aren’t willing to compromise. I don’t think that wanting a threesome screams to your partner that you aren’t satisfied with them.


For the people who agree with and or engage/have engaged in threesomes, did you feel that is spiced up your relationship? Or did it harm the relationship? If so, how? How did you bring the topic up to your partner? What happens if the third party is better in bed than your significant other? Again, please remember that this post is mainly referring to the most commonly reported type of ménage a trois- 2 girls/1 guy.

For those who disagree with them and would never engage in one, what are your reasons? If you look at it from a spiritual perspective, do you feel that bringing another person into your marriage, ruins the sanctity of it? Do the thoughts of the possible uncleanliness of the third party make your skin crawl? (lol)




Here are some various perspectives on threesomes. I did not read them all: http://www.helium.com/knowledge/91471-do-threesomes-spoil-a-relationship-or-spice-it-up


5 comments:

  1. I think threesomes are okay, and can be fun, as long as all parties are single, i.e. not a couple plus extra, cos that could bring about jealousy and insecurity. I have tried threesomes, and in all cases none of us were in a relationship, so I can't really answer on how it affected a relationship. On a side note, I prefer the non-traditional threesome though, 2 guys and me - probably because I like attention, and don't want to share a guy's attention with a girl! lol

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  2. Yea, the jealousy was a part of those "consequences" I didn't delve into. I'm wondering, what if the feature girl is better than the recurring role girl in bed?...what's a boyfriend to do? lol

    As for the 2 guys... haha! That seems like it would be so much to handle!

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  3. I never had one but I have thought about it. And when I think about it, its always a comfort thing. Who would I feel comfortable to be that intimate with to share that kind of intimacy. I talked about it with my besties, one is homophobic so there was no real consideration happening and the other one she was cool but we could never seem to agree on which guy actually deserved it. You know... us being two hotties and all. LOL.

    I just think sex in all its glory isn't absent of loving expressions so 3rd party involvement means there still has to be some negotiation concerning those love politics.

    My question is...Are you still cool with these people after you have a threesome? Is everyone still friends?

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  4. I wonder that too, NJAPF, I think it's possible, but it seems that it might get awkward.
    I have friends that have successfully done this though.

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