Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Spiritual Accountability... The Lack Thereof

As I was reaching out to a God I don't deserve, I thought of something a pastor once told me, that God can't hear you if you don't come to him with a clean heart... does He ever hear me then? This is what I'm afraid of. I try to remind myself that God is a merciful God, but geez, me? It's overwhelming to think that an entity so great could love the real me- someone who lies, lashes out and falls short... constantly. Doe He truly have enough grace to cover a sinner like me? Am I remorseful? Yes. Am I always full of repentance and asking for forgiveness? Of course, but I still commit the same sins, again and again. For instance, cursing. I seriously repent for this every day. When will He get tired of me not kicking this habit? I went 6+ months without cursing once, but my current situation, environment just...upsets the mess out of me. Even still, I need to learn how to choose happiness more often.

Anyway, I said all that to ask those of you, with like-minded faith and perhaps even similar problems, that you keep me in your prayers. Prayer is powerful. I know from firsthand experience, and I never let anyone tell me different. Where I currently reside, there is such a lack of spiritual support- no one to have accountability to, on a spiritual level. I
 need that- without judgment, but with much blunt honesty and love. Anyone need an e-accountability partner? (Lol), but seriously... I was so proud of my boyfriend the other day, when he "checked" me regarding something I'd said. Though he did not exercise this check in a loving nor nonjudgmental way (ha), he still did it. And, I suppose I can't be too picky right now. ^^

Sorry for the rambling, but I needed to get this out. After all, is that not what blogs are for? Perhaps I should find a way to get this thing separated into sections by topic? Have a good week people!


  1. I ask this question a lot myself. There's people out there though that do way worst things. But according to the bible a sin is a sin regardless if its smoking, drinking, sex, masturbation, killing, lying or cursing. It all falls under the same umbrella. Now in society they are judged totally differently of course. But fact of the matter is God forgives whenever we repent so it is said. Some of us never kick the habit but God knows our heart I suppose

  2. omg I soooo need an e-accountability partner! lol I know exactly how you feel. I'm in spain right now and It's really hard to find any one like minded in that department (let alone anybody that even speaks english!! ugh! lol) I'm picking up what the curse words are in spanish and the kids I'm teaching use them regularly even when talking to their parents and I'm like whooaaaa If I even thought a curse word in my mothers presence all hell would break loose lol. I tried getting some friends to subscribe to an e-devotional with me but only my mother actually confirmed lol accountabilty is so hard to find these days especially since nobody wants to tell u not to do something that THEY DO because that only leads to an argument. In order to be truly effective people would need to actually be a living testimony which we see less and less of these day. But enough rambling lol let me know if u really want that e-partner =)