Monday, March 16, 2009

When Does it Move Past Necessary to Nagging?

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, typically, what I write is probably fashioned toward topics that women are more interested in, but I would really enjoy a man’s perspective on this. We as people, not just women, want to feel happy and secure in our relationships. Everyone likes to have a sense that what they have is, indeed, theirs. These feelings, as sweet as they are, can cause many other side effects. Yes, side effects. To name a few, jealousy, insecurity and just overall annoying behavior. :: LoL ::. In all seriousness though, once someone begins to care for another person so deeply (or much worse, love), they tend to, in my opinion, make that person their everything. As Keyshia Cole puts it, they allow that person to “complete them.” As wonderfully romantic as that sounds, I think it can potentially cause problems. My issue with that concept (though I do love the song), is that the Lord should be the entity that completes you before any man ever does (do read The Lady, Her Lover, and Lord, great read from the “Woman Thou Art Loosed” series). Your identity should not lie with a man, especially if he’s not your husband. I agree that he should be endeared, cherished by you (if the relationship is that far along), but he should not actually be your “everything.” Ephesians 2:10 says that we are God’s workmanship- Not some man’s (or woman’s) but God’s. Anyway, once you incorporate a man into your essence, into your spirit, into you, all the little things he may do wrong, or simply not to your liking, might become more prominent. Your radar for potential competition is also heightened; though some, including myself (hehe), would never admit that. In my opinion, what logically follows after these onerous emotions are allowed to fester, are more arguments. Of course, it’s okay to communicate your wants and needs to your partner, and they should want to make you happy (and vice versa), but when does that “communication” get to be too much? I’m not sure where that limit is, but once a man becomes so indurate, salvaging what’s left of the relationship can be impossible.

I was watching the movie Fireproof, and a woman’s constant nagging of her husband eventually caused a huge implosion in their relationship (aka a very heated argument). Now, he never said that he wasn’t wrong, but he was making an effort to change. Most men, however, do not communicate that they realize what things, specifically, they need to work on. Things would be much easier if he would just sit you down and say, “Listen, baby, I know I’m doing XXX wrong; or I know I that I’ve been lacking in XXX area, but I recognize this, and I promise you I am working on it.” Since men don’t like to say the aforementioned statement, how else does a woman let him know, but to tell him? And, if she has to tell him because he refuses to communicate it himself, how many times is too many to mention it? If she tells him once, and he works on it for a while, but then reverts to his old ways, is it okay to mention it again?

Men, I’d love to hear your perspectives on this, because obviously, you’d know the answer better than I would!

Also if you're wondering what your "identity" in Christ is, here's a great site:
http://encouragingbiblequotes.com/verses2a.html

And here's an article on why nagging is Not the answer lol:
http://marriage.about.com/od/chores/a/nagging.htm