Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Threesomes - Is Three Really Still Considered a Crowd?

Now that I got that rant out of the way, I have a question: Are threesomes still taboo?

Ha, I kind of just dove right in there didn’t I? Before I go any further, I should mention, that I frequently color out of socially-placed lines and boundaries. My coloring book would like the blissful fodder of a three year old to someone who isn’t a social deviant like yours truly.

Anyway, I would really like to know the answer. This question was initially provoked from a conversation I had with a few friends online. Everyone was trying to give one e-friend advice on how to steam it up with her bf after having not seen him in a long time. The topic of a 3some came up in that discussion somehow, and I noticed that the perspectives on it were truly torn. I’d like to clarify that we were discussing the most common type of threesome- 2 girls/1 guy.  I gathered the following:
  • One girl thought they were OK…if none of the involved parties were in a serious relationship. She expressed insecurity regarding the other woman wanting more of “her” man without her permission.
  • Another expressed that she would never do that: “Another girl can’t do anything for me.”
  • The younger of the bunch said that threesomes were no big deal, with a shrug.
  • Another simply felt that threesomes were too taboo for her, and that her boyfriend should be satisfied with just her.

The last comment is the one that struck me the most I suppose. In an age where people “cyber sex” with each other via Skype, and text message naked photos, I find it hard to believe that anything sexually-related is “taboo” anymore. When I was in college, it seemed like everyone and their mother was jumping into one of these. Though I never “took the bait,” I, myself, was extended the offer from couples on several occasions. However, the offers were not turned down because I thought them strange or taboo, I simply wasn’t into them (for spiritual and other reasons). I also found the latter part of her perspective on them intriguing.

My first thought (being the undercover feminist that I sometimes can be), was “why does it have to be the boyfriend that wants the threesome?” I personally know quite a few women who brought this idea up to their boyfriends first. According to most psychological sources I’ve seen, they say “threesomes are every MAN’S fantasy.” I happen to think that men only openly admit to wanting threesomes more, because it is more socially acceptable for him to do so. It goes back to that classic double standard and assumption. It’s assumed that men are intrinsically programmed to want to spread their seed with as many women as possible. They are praised for this. They get “G-points” for this. Women though? Women who admit to wanting sex with more than one man or, **GASP** a woman AND a man, are whores, much worse Slores. They are tramps in the eyes of society, unfit for marriage and houses with white picket fences and the like. Women, in my opinion, are constantly having to stifle their sexual wants and needs to please society (not just men, because many women impose social chains on themselves and other women. I think men would be happier if women were more open….much happier lol). I say, Rage Against the Machine, women! You want what you want, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Be prepared to accept the consequences of this particular arena though (i.e. Jealousy).

My next thought was, “Does having the sexual fantasy of a threesome, automatically imply that you are dissatisfied sexually with your partner??” I truly don’t think so. I always thought the point of a sexual fantasy was to fulfill some outlandish, lustful desire. It could have existed long before the person partnered with their significant other. Her comment implies that your significant other should completely fulfill and or remove your pre-existing sexual fantasies. Personally, I think the only problem with a fantasy comes in when 2 people don’t share the same fantasy and aren’t willing to compromise. I don’t think that wanting a threesome screams to your partner that you aren’t satisfied with them.

For the people who agree with and or engage/have engaged in threesomes, did you feel that is spiced up your relationship? Or did it harm the relationship? If so, how? How did you bring the topic up to your partner? What happens if the third party is better in bed than your significant other? Again, please remember that this post is mainly referring to the most commonly reported type of ménage a trois- 2 girls/1 guy.

For those who disagree with them and would never engage in one, what are your reasons? If you look at it from a spiritual perspective, do you feel that bringing another person into your marriage, ruins the sanctity of it? Do the thoughts of the possible uncleanliness of the third party make your skin crawl? (lol)

Here are some various perspectives on threesomes. I did not read them all: http://www.helium.com/knowledge/91471-do-threesomes-spoil-a-relationship-or-spice-it-up

Update Before the Update- Short Rant

I have a new post coming directly after this one, but first let me go on a short rant:

Please stop sending me messages about my statuses/posts offending you, unless I have truly said something crazy (which is quite possible because it is ME we are talking about). Although some claims have been legitimate, others have been plain childish- simple misunderstandings of my brand of humor (straight no chaser lol). If you don't like what I say, delete me. It is that simple. However, for you to have the audacity to try to tell me how I should deal with my experiences, how I should react to them, and what I should say about them on a public forum, on an account registered to ME, is simply absurd. My statuses and my blog are my outlet for MY interpretation of MY experiences. Instead of getting offended, why don't you try to logically and maturely enlighten me on how I may be misinterpreting something? And this is not just about the things I write about Korea. I have people write me often, regarding things I say on women, men and relationships.

As far as my feelings on Korea go, I feel that communication lines between foreigner and Korean have become grossly twisted. I am open to having a large group discussion where people can discuss their likes/dislikes, qualms and misunderstandings. Would anyone else be up for this?

Shoot me an e-mail/msg/comment/whatever.