Saturday, November 9, 2013

Interracial Love - A Response to All the Naysayers




 So I’ve taken a loooonnnggg hiatus from posting on my blog. Not sure why. But, an article from a certain C. Haywood brought me back (See it here). I thought that honorable and revolutionary fight that Mildred Jeter and Richard Loving fought was over (See their story here). I thought that we could all live and bask in the love and companionship that we found in another person without the dirty looks; without being told we’re “sell outs;” and without feeling like we were committing a crime.

However, people like Tommy SotoMayor & Cory Haywood, just can’t let it be. And, I can’t help but notice that a lot of the hate against interracial love is coming from black men toward black women. Because… you know, only black women date outside of their race, and we are the keepers of all things humane and sacred for “our” “race.” -_- Now, before you get mad and stop reading, this isn’t a post bashing black men or purporting that all black men bash interracial relationships. It’s a post to open up a discussion as to why so many people feel the need to bash relationships between people of different ethnic backgrounds. I want to hear from those with a differing opinion on why they think it’s not okay for me to want George Clooney to be my everything (lol okay, I jest but seriously, how hot is he).

Though I’m currently in a happy relationship with a black man, I recognize the beauty of, and even celebrate, interracial relationships. Heck, I wouldn’t be on this earth if they weren’t allowed. I find beauty in love and companionship period, but I’m no fool. It takes a certain kind of person to be willing to step outside of the socially (and maybe even traditionally) constructed parameters of what love should be, and not see color when it comes to love. I have generally found that most people open to having interracial relationships tend to be open-minded in many other facets of life. I personally find males of ALL colors to be incredibly attractive- I love fitness-focused White guys; I love Spanish men with accents; I love muscular Asian men; I love Black men who wear dress coats: and those are just a FEW of my attraction triggers (yes yes let the slut shaming begin haha).

Onto less mush. I found Cory Haywood’s article not only grossly offensive to black women, but also to white men. To imply that ALL white men only date outside of their race, particularly when they date a black woman, to make their racist parents mad; to prove to society they’re not that kind of white guy; or to fulfill some weird fetish with those rarely seen exotic creatures (aka black women) that they’ve heard of in books. How presumptuous does one get? I don’t even know where to start. Should start with him denigrating the intelligence of any white male who engages in a relationship by basically asserting that said white male doesn’t know what his own real motives are? Should I start with him implying that many of these white males have seething racists for parents who would drop dead if their children brought home a person of a different “race?” Or, should I start with how he just sweepingly paints any white male attracted to a black woman as evil, dishonest and vengeful?

In lieu of the aforementioned, you might wonder what was left to be offended at in Haywood’s article. Well, it could be that as a black woman, Haywood conveyed that I was “unwanted by ANY race of self-respecting adult male” because of my “rancid demeanor.” And, should any man want to be with me, I’m “nothing more than a social experiment” and said man is trying to prove that he’s “set apart from the other trailer-trash “rednecks” who feed into stereotypes drummed up by the media.” 0_o Well gee, here I thought as an intelligent, fitness-loving, multi-degree holding, bilingual speaking, global traveling woman that I was doing alright for myself? Not tooting my own horn, my point is that sweeping generalizations can be hurtful and inaccurate. Certainly, distasteful, disgusting, “Rancid-demeanor” having black women exist (those types exist in ALL “races” of women, by the way), but all are not that way. One of my closest friends is a black woman who finished her degree in Paris and went on to be featured in a nationally-syndicated finance magazine because of how well she managed her student loans and became debt-free. Another is a nationally known fitness model. The first is in a happy interracial relationship… I guess he’s just using his white knight magical powers to transform her into something suitable to parade around society, as Mr. Sotomayor and Mr. Haywood have suggested?  (Lol hope you could feel the sarcasm through your screens).

I refuse to post any links to Mr. Sotomayor’s YouTube channel because it provides an even greater platform for him to spread his foul language and vitriol.

In brief conclusion, because I could go on forever, I think ALL men and women of ANY “Race” or ethnicity should be free to date and love whomever they choose. I don’t consider black men traitors for dating white women (or any non-black woman). I consider them free. I don’t consider black women to be the scum of the earth for dating white men. I consider them free. In the words of a friend I met in Korea (Hi N. N!)- No one owns anyone. I don’t owe you my love simply because you’re black, and you don’t owe me a thing based on those terms either. Love who you want. Live freely. Laugh a lot. Pray. Treat others how you’d like to be treated or better. Repeat.

For beautiful pictures of interracial families and a nice rebuttal to Haywood's article,check this out: http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/black-women-need-men-like-cory-alexander-haywood-like-fish-needs-bicycle/  One thing I'd like to mention: I don’t agree with is attacking Haywood or even that horrid Sotomayor based on their looks. Neither of them are my cup of tea (actually Cory does have a great body lol), but attacking their looks undermines the point. Attack ideas, not people (even valid character attacks are better than attacking physical attributes).